The Twilight Saga: New Moon (Reviewed by Sebastian Ng)

New Moon is about promises - as soon as one is made, you know it will be broken. In fact, this brilliantly sophisticated movie doesn't just tell, it shows you, again and again. Much of the dialogue starts with variations of "I swear I'll ...". Vampire boy promises they will be together and everything will be alright ... then bails. Werewolf boy promises he won't do what vampire boy did ... then promptly stops picking up phone calls. This is no less than a loving homage to melodramatic themes from classic Finnish movie Sellaisena Kuin Sinä Minut Halusit.

Then there's werewolf boy's mane. It does two things: it's a foreshadowing of hairier days to come, and more importantly, it makes the poor kid look like a prepubescent dork; lesser movies might stick teeth braces into their characters - how juvenile. But then his moment of transformation arrives, and the long hair disappears (along with his shirt and the lower-half of his jeans), and he suddenly looks 5 years more matured. He's come of age - as does actor Taylor Lautner. Lautner's delivery of lines are so heartfelt; he screws his eyebrows every time he is being true to Bella, which is all the time. Perhaps it's not just the abs that will earn him his career.

And look at how Bella handles the moment when she is dumped. She hyperventilates. Like, wow. When have you ever seen such realistic portrayal of the experience of being rejected by someone you love intensely? (Shut up, Bright Star.) And her angst after that is amplified by brilliant cinematography - at one point, the camera revolves around Bella as seasons change (my, doesn't that sound poetic?). I see now, why teenage g- I mean, so many people relate to the Twilight series.

Robert Pattinson is awesome. :) He's even mastered the technique of reciting Shakespeare while batting his eyelashes at a rate of 5 per second.

The movie totally deserves to gobble $250 million worldwide in its first three days of release. 2012? What a loser. It's karma, you can't fight it.

How Good I Think It Is: undefined ... you know, as in ∞
How Much I Liked It: unrevealed

Director Chris Weitz Cast Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner Runtime 130 mins Opens 26 Nov

~

(Okay, 16-year-old teenage girl, can you take your fangs off my neck now? Thank you.)

...

...

...

Okay, teenage girl is gone.

Now for the actual review.

New Moon is boring. Save your money. In fact, save yourselves. Except for you, boyfriends. It's a rite of passage, suffer through it. I know, I know, they promised Mamma Mia would be the last time. Here's the thing. If you survive this, remember: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse is only 7 months away.

Sebastian Ng studied filmmaking at the Los Angeles Film School in Hollywood, majoring in Directing and Sound Design but spent most of his time watching movies, and attending film festivals and meet-the-filmmaker sessions. Having returned to Malaysia in 2008, he currently works as a digital production coordinator for Rhythm & Hues Studios (Malaysia). He continues to fuel his passion for film by writing reviews and other ramblings for his blog, Cinematic Concerns.